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darknessfadestoblack
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Country: United States
State: Missouri
Metro: Rolla
Gender: Male
Interests: cool stuff
Expertise: nerdy stuff
Occupation: Artist
Industry: Nonprofit
Message: message me
Member Since:
5/19/2003
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| she's in her robe and she's lost in the folds
safe on her train out of Boston
she'll go any place but home
she thinks that he only came to take her child away
it's been ten years but she's stuck in the day and the pain
the day and the pain
the day and the pain
she sings out for you
but you sing loudly to
to annabelle, my annebelle's through
catholic fight, she looks broken and tired
cursing the god in the sky
she tries hard not to shake or cry
she says, "can't you just hold me when i'm
limping right next to you?"
"can't you just hold me 'cause I
can't make sense out of you?"
make sense out of you
make sense out of you
she cries out to you
but you cry loudly to
to annebelle, my annebelle's through
she says, "can't you just hold me when i'm
limping right next to you?"
you say, "why can't you see me? i'm standing here
waiting for you,
to just watch me move."
"just watch me move." | | |
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the rain hits me on the forehead first, so i pull over my hood and only see it hit my shoes. my pipe lit well, and my body between warm and cold, i walk. as section after leaf-covered section of sidewalk pass under me i focus less and less on avoiding the puddles that slowly soak my leather loafers and the cuffs of my pants. in the distance i hear the quiet shhhhhh of car tires on wet pavement as it fades in, then out; otherwise all i hear are Fionn Regan and Jose Gonzalez, who graciously supplied the soundtrack for my mind this evening. the student houses line up and duck under my hood for my own personal viewing, then smoothly duck back out again, like paintings in an art gallery, or parts on an assembly line, standing up straight for my inspection. as i round each corner the hazy, yellow-orange streetlights guide me towards my destination. in no time at all i arrive at the alley behind my apartment, where i lose the hood and rub the rain in and through my hair a bit. as i finish my pipe on my back porch, i watch the city lights hit the ceiling of clouds and stay, as if confused about where to go next. the smoke that was once thick and white is now whispy at best, and once hot and running towards the branches of each tree i walk under is now slow and falling towards the ground like cauldron steam. the burning tobacco fades away and in comes real life again, as i can now feel the water in my shoes and the cold on my hand, but for those few moments,
i was as alone as i have wanted to be for some months.
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| wow. so sure, it's been over a year, and for some reason, my blog is still alive and well! so why not visit for a little chat? instead of updating you on the past year (which would take a long long time) i'll just let you in on what i've been thinking lately. i feel detached, and for some reason i think it's b/c i moved to wisconsin and my friends are now spread all over the US. but even more so i think it's b/c one of the characteristics of life is that it wants to move, it wants to be new. i mean, people complain the most and become fairly dull (speaking only of myself, of course) when they feel 'stuck' or 'trapped' by their job, their circumstances, etc. so why does life wanna move? b/c when it doesn't, something just isn't right inside. kinda like when you hear God say "go do this" or "go talk to them" or "pray for them" or "give him money" and you don't, and then the next time it's a little easier to say no, then it gets easier and easier... then something just doesn't feel right inside. sure it's so so hard to say yes, but hey, God's gotta move, right? and if life isn't moving with him, then well, people complain the most and become fairly dull (again, myself). i typed all this to say nothing really, except i guess to say that even though all my friends aren't here, and i miss them terribly, life can't go back. i'm here now and later i'll be somewhere new (maybe not physically, but on other levels most likely). and then there's reunions, of course. those are fun.
go download the new radiohead if you haven't. it's pretty phenomenal.
and go read a book, you visual media-addicted generation!
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| well here we go. i finally get a few hours off today (though i have to go in tomorrow on my day off). my friend alec and i were discussing when exactly i would burn out and how it was inevitable, but i just don't see it happening any time soon. sure i have a church event almost every night of the week and i'm there every day, but i do like it. last night i got to lead a junior higher to Jesus which was awesome. i'm starting up a small group at church which will ultimately take up another night but i'm excited about it. oh well, bring on the burnout. this morning i went to See You At The Pole at Rolla High School to support the kids praying and to see the kids from our youth group. i forgot how awkward high school was, specifically christian functions during high school. it was a struggle to sing a few worship songs b/c everyone was constantly making sure no one was staring/laughing at them. crazy. but it's good. i ended up smiling a lot b/c i remembered how much i enjoy awkward situations (is that insane?) and i also am really starting to care for that age of kids. next week a group of high schoolers and i are going to take some donuts and coffee to a group of kids that hang around off school property and smoke in the mornings. no tracts, no church signups, just donuts and coffee and second-hand smoke. i may even get to pray for some of them if they want. that's what i'm talking about.
side note: i was all excited b/c i thought season 3 of LOST was starting tonight, but it starts next wednesday. now i just feel disillusioned.
other side note: i'm currently trying to teach myself to play the piano, and all i'm doing right now is trying to play along with my coldplay albums. any other suggestions? (p.s.: i tried to play along with aqualung but he's way to advanced for me.)
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| well it's been a while, like 5 months! i've cut my hair short and it's grown back out, that's how long it's been. too long. so much has happened (and i really mean that a lot of time has passed, not that a ton of stuff actually happened), i don't know if i can just pick up where i left off. and, i come back and i see that some chick has posted a comment about "me doing nasty stuff" on some website, like 3 months ago. i didn't even check the site, i just deleted the comment, but seriously. that's kind of a twisted way to get people to go to your website. anyway, i was talking about this whole leadership thing in april, and i've actually got to practice being a REAL leader since then, and it's tough! tellin' people they need to shape up or ship out is a bit of a stretch for me. and yes, i've stepped on some toes exploring this new world of taking command, but it's good and healthy. i've been reading through the Timothy letters and it has reminded me how vital it is to be mentored. i'd be really screwed up if i didn't have my pastors to lead me as i lead. so i guess that's learning to be a leader pt. 2 for you. find a mentor, and find someone to mentor.
leading worship is still great and my church is still awesome. thank you Jesus.
this is a little embarrasing and sad but i'm addicted to grey's anatomy. it's easily the most drama i've had in my life in a while. a few of us are currently trying to push through the whole 2nd season before the 3rd starts next thursday. that's a lot of drama.
oh and the harp and the lyre has been put on a little hold since i'm out of money and out of time to go play shows (and really i'm having some trouble finding time to write new stuff), but hopefully soon i'll be able to play around again and record!
that's it.
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